How to write the first
audiobook musical for adults using absolutely no time whatsoever.
By Stephanie Bentley
As a fairly new
parent to two adorable and energetic girls and a lifelong performer new to the
writing process, I’ve had the incredible experience of on the job training in
both areas. Here’s what it looks like for a day in my creative life:
6am: wake up for the third time that night
(yes 6am is the night to me) to one kid crying and the other one’s foot in my
mouth. Nurse crying one, shove stinky foot slightly lower, and drift slowly
back to sleep while simultaneously realizing that said foot is now in the
perfect position to kick me in the throat.
7:30am: jerk awake to blaring alarm yelling
‘Why!?’ Curse universe because I had just fallen back to sleep after being
unsurprisingly kicked in throat. Look over to see two angelic kids fast asleep
and dead to the world. Shake head at having kids who only want to sleep when
they are supposed to be awake.
8am: pack lunches while giving kids the
breakfast they demand but refuse to eat, consider showering for five seconds
before remembering that I no longer bathe and just put on a hat. Curse universe
again when I see tiny avocado handprints on my shirt as I’m walking out the
door.
9am: speedwalk my now late kids to
preschool in stroller while begging dog to hurry ‘his business’ up. Hum the
chorus to ’50 Shades of Lay’, one of the songs I’m writing for the audiobook
musical that is still just a pipe dream. Drop kids off and walk out there a
free woman until 12:30pm. Apologize to universe for repeated cursing of it and ask for some
divine inspiration.
9:20am: soak in the beauty of the day while I
walk home (Southern California, baby), take deep breath, kiss husband and go to work in my
professional double-walled voiceover booth in my home office. Open the romance
novel I’ll be reading that day.
9:30-12:20pm: narrate some of a
romance novel, giggle several times at the clumsiness of heroine (why is she
always falling over?) and washboard abs alpha-ness of hero. Wink along with
predictable storylines and occasionally forget which motorcycle gang I’m voicin
g or mistake today’s pack of werewolves for last weeks pack. Say all kinds of
dirty words that used to make me blush like crazy, fall in love with love
stories and wonder if reading romance novels every day is turning my brain into
hopeless romantic mush. Decide it’s super worth it and I have best job on
planet. Suddenly feel inspired to write an entire rap song using only titles
and lyrics from 90’s pop hits called ‘The Girl Is Mine’ after Brandy and
Monica’s hit ‘The Boy Is Mine’, but this one will be about two girl best
friends. Get very excited about this and open a google search of billboard hits
from 1999.
12:25pm: look at clock, jump up, squeal and
race back to preschool to pick up kids who were seemingly gone for about 20
minutes. On the way there record some new lyrics onto my voice memos app on my
phone from the day’s inspirational workday. “The mansion’s so cold, the lattes
aren’t hot. My champagne’s half full, but I say it’s not! The limo’s so dull, a
smile can’t be bought, I’m uncomfortable, distressed and distraught.” Smile at
the thought of my budding billionaire hero whose greatest crisis is to feel
slight discomfort. Poor sexy guy.
12:30-6: lose all concept of time and space as we galivant around town to play
dates and music classes, humming and recording in the car when inspiration
strikes. Listen back to what I can over general kids-in-car melee and
occasionally ask for feedback from my 2-year-old, (she’s a harsh critic).
Consider it a good sign when kids start singing along with me or suddenly burst
into a song I’ve written. Immediately remember that they are innocent prisoners
of my rantings likely just exhibiting Stockholm syndrome and
consider throwing it all away and never writing again. Play Boyz II Men radio
on my phone and wait in the driveway for two extra minutes so I can belt out
“I’ll make love to you! Like you want me to!” at full voice while kids ask me
what ‘make love’ means.
6-8pm: cook and feed kids dinner while
jotting down new lyrics on the open laptop that is getting splattered with
sauces and ingredients. Bathe kids while recording pieces of verses on my voice
memos app knowing that when I go back to listen later it will be a challenge to
hear myself over the splashing and yelling of a routine sibling bath war. (Why
are there never enough ducks!?!)
8pm-9:30pm if I’m lucky: beg kids to go to sleep. Threaten, bribe, close doors, open doors,
make promises, confiscate toys, breakdown, breakthrough then breakdown again.
Sometimes dip into google docs app to rework lyrics on my phone if I’m at the
point of throwing my hands up and surrendering to the total chaos. Consider
several different gems of parenting advice then remember I am lost cause. Sit
still as if in meditation bubble while little people circle me and jump on my
appendages. Think about that woman that lived with apes, Jane Goodall?
10pm: mush brain stop working fall down
sleep now…
Repeat for two years.
Voila!
Note: This recounting
of my ‘creative process’ was written on my phone in three parts on a Monday:
during one kids gymnastics class, while the other one was hanging on my arm,
waiting out tired kids wrestling and doing donuts in their room, and sitting in
my four year old’s bed while she resists sleep like it’s her life’s work. You
too, my friend, can write a whatever you want using no time whatsoever. I
believe in you!
Meet the Author
Stephanie and her cast are available for live performances of pieces from the book.
Listen to a sample of the audiobook here: https://www.lustilyeverafter.com.
Inside the Book
When sassy Raleigh Jackson interviews for a six-week contract to be the fake girlfriend of Trystan Lay—schmillioniare playboy, politician, ex-Navy Seal, songwriter/astronaut, and “the world’s most perfect human”—she knows the outcome will change her life.
A student/waitress/intern living with her obligatory best friend, Kim, Raleigh overcomes her medical condition—chronic clumsiness—and snags the job, thus beginning a whirlwind of extravagant travel and glitzy events.
LUSTILY EVER AFTER: THE AUDIOBOOK MUSICAL covers the span of romance novel clichés from the brooding playboy to the fake romance with sprinkles of paranormal love. The story is sultry, silly, snarky—and hilarious. Chapter titles are sung in harmonies invoking the R&B group En Vogue. The characters voice their own dialogue and routinely burst into song, as they fumble through pillow talk, and relive steamy memories in songs such as “Talkin’ Dirty” and “50 Shades of Lay.”
The creator’s inspiration for LUSTILY EVER AFTER: THE AUDIOBOOK MUSICAL came from her unusual day job. “I’m a romance audiobook narrator by day and a musical theater performer by night. Every day in the booth, I giggle at the same tropes coming up again and again. Then these song lyrics just started coming to me, “The models in my bed don’t keep me warm at night,” for example. I started writing and pretty soon, the whole musical just came tumbling out!”
LUSTILY EVER AFTER: THE AUDIOBOOK MUSICAL has an e-book companion containing the story and all of the lyrics, and there may be plans for a sequel: “I thought we had hit most of the tropes, but now I realize we may have only just begun,” Stephanie says.
Book Info:
Audiobook, $6.95; 2 hours 37 minutes; ISBN: 978-1089023753
E-book, $2.99; 104 pages
Publication date: August 2019
Published by Stephanie Bentley
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