Monday, February 18, 2019

# Guest Posts

Six Things You May Not Know About 'People Skills' by Kerry C. O'Hallaron @ps101_book #guest #peopleskills

Six Things You May Not Know About “People Skills”
Kerry C. O’Hallaron
So picture this.
You walk into a room – any room – a social gathering, a business meeting, cocktail hour, or even an online “room.”
You see the heads turn your way in affirmative recognition. You feel them breaking from their conversations to send a smile your way. The mood in the room turns just a little lighter, as you feel a wave of warmth caused by your presence.  You’re there now – you own that room; everyone’s happy; and life is good.
Question: Does actual happen to you? If not, it can; it should; and it’s easy to learn how. The secret is to learn how to attract people to you one at a time, so that when you do walk into that room they all will be magnetically attracted to you. 
Read on and I’ll show you how.  These are Six things you may not know about how to improve your people skills.  Here’s a secret – my thesis is that you only need to master any three of them to start making more friends, minimizing conflicts, and improving all of your relationships.

·        A Smile is Just a Smile – NOT!
Everyone loves babies, right? We talk to them in funny tones; we try to get them to play with our finger, maybe we tickle them gently – and if we’re really, really lucky, we get that big, beautiful baby smile out of them.  Babies and politicians seem to know intuitively the power of a smile. The rest of us have to learn it, and for many of us the lesson never sinks in.  I hope it does to you.  Watch for the next five people who smile at you, and notice the powerful impact it has on you. Then practice your most genuine smile, and give it to five people a day.  Same thing – watch the powerful impact it has on them. Politicians know that a fake smile is vastly more valuable than blank stare.  Imagine the positive influence your genuine smile will have!
·        It’s OK to be an Introvert.
By way of quick introduction, I’m a lifelong business executive with a fairly successful track record.  I was also born shy, and am the founder and president of the American Society of Introverts. (OK, I made that last part up, but it would be true if such a society existed.) I would never have had much success in business if I’d continued to hang  on to the “shy” thing.  It turns out that’s separate and distinct from being an introvert. It was actually pretty easy to learn the skills to overcome shyness. In fact, I still don’t say much, but people these days think of me as a brilliant conversationalist. Why? I’ve learned how to drive the conversation but let them do all the talking – about what interests them! Somehow that makes me a brilliant conversationalist. I just ask, from a perspective of genuine interest, leading questions such as who, what, when, where, why, and how – and let them talk. It works beautifully.
The “introvert” thing is different, though. If I were a golfer, I could go out on the course with three strangers, hold up my end of the conversation, have a couple of cocktails afterwards, and leave with three new friends. But as an introvert I would then go home completely exhausted and drained, whereas extroverts would go home energized and ready for more.  That’s the only real difference between extroverts and introverts.  Regardless of which one you are, mastering that difference will help you interact better with people from both groups.
·        You Will be Famous for at Least 15 Minutes.
It’s going to happen. You’ll get elected to something, get a big promotion, win the lottery – something will happen to win you your “fifteen minutes of fame.” Even if it’s completely fortuitous (like winning the lottery), one or more people will have supported you (financially or otherwise) along the way. It’s very, very important that you keep them in your network while you’re riding your “fame wave.” There are only two real options for the future. Your fame and fortune may actually continue to grow, in which case those “common folk” will help keep you grounded and not let you get a big head. OR, your fame may actually only last fifteen minutes or so before you come crashing back to earth. In that case, if you’ve taken care to maintain those old relationships during your “fifteen minutes,” hopefully they will still be there for you after your time ends.
Either way, what we’re talking about here is to craft a new, more influential, more likeable YOU. Be careful to hang on to relationships that helped you rise. You need them!
·        Do This and I Guarantee You Will Win Every Argument Ever
If you want to be more influential, more likeable, more “nice,” you just can’t afford to do anything that will result in anyone disliking you.  Assume that you don’t have enough friends to lose even one.
One of the quickest ways to turn someone against you is to “win” an argument.  I put “win” in quotes because it’s an oxymoron – nobody can win an argument. 
You can win a debate, because that’s a structured verbal sparring match with a fixed methodology for grading effectiveness.  The person with the higher grade wins.
With an argument, there is no fixed grading system.  If you wear your opponent down through persistence (and maybe even through sound logic), he/she will still think less of you when the argument is over.  If you win through shouting and anger, the damage could be even worse.  If you “win,” you lose; if you “lose,” you lose. It’s one time in life when a “draw” can be a mutual win.  Agree to disagree, with a handshake, a hug, or whatever is appropriate, and move on. It’s a powerful tool that will make winners out of both of you.
·        How to Get What You Need, and Have the Giver be Grateful
I know I’m dating myself, but before GPS (yeah, really, there WAS a “before GPS”), did you ever ask for directions? In spite of being male, I used to do it all the time. It would create an instant connection with the other person, by making them feel important, knowledgeable, useful, and appreciated all at once. Even though I’d probably never see that person again, it was great “people skills” practice to humbly ask them for help.
My neighbor came by the other day asking to borrow a gas can because the tank inn his car was empty. It turns out I had a can with a couple of gallons in it.  I told him to take what he needed. He insisted on paying for it.  I insisted on not being paid. I felt appreciated, needed, and valued because I was able to help my friend and neighbor with his issue. Being reimbursed for the fuel would have taken away the sense of importance he had given me.
People like having the opportunity to help, when doing so makes them feel uniquely needed, valued, and important. If you’re sincere and humble, you can often do others a favor by asking them to help you.  Isn’t life great?
·        Why Empathy is the Most Important of People Skills
Remember the Golden Rule?  It’s translated various ways, but the most common is “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”
Some people interpret that to mean, simply, “Treat others the way you want to be treated.”
Maybe.  It’s at least on the right track.
I’m stretching it a little, though. I think it means, “You want to be treated the way you want to be treated; but they want to be treated the way they want to be treated. So figure out how they want to be treated, and do that to them without expecting anything in return. Lather, rinse, repeat.”
Yes, that’s right – I’ve just modified the Golden Rule, a little, but hopefully for the better.
It’s pretty simple, really.  If you want people to like you more; if you want to have more influence; if you want to have better relationships; you have got to play by their rules, not yours.
Early we talked about the value of a smile. This assumes the other person would rather see you smile that see your sour puss. Trust me, they would. Give them what they want and you’ll be rewarded.d
We talked about how an introvert can thrive among extroverts, and vice versa.  People like people who are like them (or are like how they want to be).  Act more like them and they will like you more.
We talked about avoiding arguments, because nobody wants to be on the (alleged) losing side of an argument. Avoid the argument, agree to disagree, and they think more highly of you.
We talked about GIVING people the opportunity to help you.  Your request, and your appreciation, must be genuine, and it helps to ask the right person. Giving them the opportunity to fill their needs while helping you is a win-win.
The examples of how empathy will help you craft a “new you” are endless and are each more important than the previous.
So as it turns out, the whole “people skills” thing is not rocket science. It is, however, a science; one that is easily learned and applied, and one that I have had the great honor of teaching to many people.
Kerry O’Hallaron is an author, speaker, trainer, and successful business executive. His latest book is People Skills 101-tm: How to Have More Friends, Fewer Conflicts and Better Relationships.  In its recent launch, it catapulted to #1 in the Self Development category.  It’s been called a life-changing twist on Dale Carnegie’s timeless classic. You can buy it today in Kindle and paperback versions on Amazon,
About the Author

Kerry O'Hallaron was born in St. Louis, MO. He attended college at the University of Missouri, and later "emigrated" to Florida. His passion in life is to help others maximize their own potential.

His latest book, "People Skills 101 - tm: How to Have More Friends, Fewer Conflicts, and Better Relationships," is a compelling and life-changing new spin on one of the oldest "self-development" books in print. In it, he adds new color the art and science of people skills, which wealthy industrialist John D. Rockefeller called the most valuable asset under the sun. O'Hallaron teaches us in a humorous way how to use time-tested principles in our quest for friendships and positive business and personal relationships. The teachings aren't new - but O'Hallaron's unique twist on them certainly is. Whether you're a shy, reserved introvert or a bubbly, outgoing extrovert, "People Skills 101" could be the only book you need to understand the simple tools that will help you both create and manage the perceptions people have of you.

You will be amazed how a few, subtle changes you can learn from this book will craft a new, more influential, more charismatic, more likable, YOU!

O'Hallaron lives in
Tampa with his wife, Carol, and can't seem to get away from spending significant parts of each year in his home town of St. Louis.

Website Address:

Twitter Address: @ps101_book

About the Book:

Author: Kerry O’Hallaron
Publisher: Shamrock Publications
Pages: 301
Genre: Nonfiction/Self-Help/Self-Development

A life changing modern-day twist on Dale Carnegie’s timeless classic – learn how to have more friends, show more charisma, and better manage every relationship – all in the comfort of your home.

“Kerry O’Hallaron simply nailed it with People Skills 101,” says Jason Broadman, international book critic. “He took something everyone needs to know, which nobody teaches, and made it interesting, eminently readable, entertaining, and exceptionally useful to just about everyone.”

Do you remember that course you took in school called “Basic People Skills?” You don’t, do you – because nobody, anywhere, teaches such a course. Whether grade school, high school, or beyond, NOBODY thought it was important to teach us how to interact. NOBODY thought it was important enough to teach us interpersonal skills – how to get people to like us, how to get them to see us the way we want to be seen, how to manage our relationships.Apparently they just assumed that we are either born with “people skills” – or we weren’t!

People Skills 101 offers an elegantly simple and completely unique solution. It works, whether you are a shy and reserved introvert, a bubbly and outgoing extrovert, or anywhere in between. Simply choose any three of the twenty-one “GoldenRules” offered in the book, begin to use them faithfully, and watch the results with awe. You will be amazed how a few, subtle changes will quickly craft a new, more influential, more charismatic, more likable, YOU!



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